It is completely normal and natural to fight with your significant other – nobody’s perfect. But how much fighting is too much?
Manhattan-based clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona, Psy.D., says some couples just argue more than others and there is no one right answer to the question.
What seems more important than how often you fight is how you make up afterword. Being able to argue in a respectful manner and resolve the disagreement actually encourages intimacy rather than having heated debates that fuel resentfulness. Remember to use “I” based phrases like “I feel like I’m not being heard” instead of “You’re not listening to me” and never attack your partners character with personal insults, criticisms, or name calling. You can’t take back what you say in the heat of the moment and you could do real long term damage to your relationship.
Signs that your arguments are unhealthy include bringing up the past, fighting over the same things constantly without getting anywhere, or even getting violent. Plus, if you’re upset that you and your partner are fighting too much then you’re probably right.
If you are recognizing these bad signs in your relationship and you can’t seem to make positive changes on your own then it could be time to see a professional. Having an unbiased opinion from a professional couple’s counsellor can really help you see problems more clearly and they can guide you on how to fix them.
If you’ve been wondering if you and your partner are fighting too much, just remember to focus on the quality of your arguments and how you resolve them. Having disagreements with your loved one is totally normal and you probably shouldn’t worry too much when they happen.