How to find your match on online dating sites
BY AVIVA REIMER
Online dating does work, but at what price? Some dating sites make a concerted effort to create quality matches for people by employing complex algorithms and sophisticated filtering systems to try and ensure client success. Unfortunately, user information is supplied anonymously, and online dating sites cannot confirm any information provided in a person’s profile is accurate. Finding your match online is very time consuming and patience is often tested during the process of guessing who is worth the effort.
Dating is a numbers game, therefore, doing your due diligence by going through pictures and profiles can be extremely exhausting. One of the biggest issues that online dating has is the fact that there are so many options. Having an infinite number of choices creates a lack of urgency to connect via phone or to meet in person, as people think there is always someone better around the corner. A person must be very perceptive and educated in knowing how to identify red flags when going through profiles. Here are some great tips on how to be more efficient in your searches.
AVOID SMALL TALK
When going through your messages, it is important to pay attention to those who have sincere titles as well as someone who took the time to write a nice message. Winks and one-liners just won’t do. If someone invests time in writing, then they are worth a look.
If you engage in a few conversations, don’t spend too much time on small talk. It’s great to share your personality and wit, however, ask direct questions and pay attention to their responses. If your possible match is a little nervous or defensive, then he might not be for you. If he shows vulnerability, ask more questions. Efficiency is key here, and the sooner you get your answers, the sooner you will know if the person is right for you. Pay attention to how they communicate and if they are respectful.
ENGAGE BY PHONE
After a few great messages, ask to speak via phone. Pay attention to how quickly they accommodate this action. If they are stalling, move on. A person who is truly looking to meet someone for long term will accommodate the call the same day or the next day. If you become a savant at this vetting process, it should only take you a week at most to meet someone of interest.
MEETING FACE-TO-FACE
When meeting for the first time, you should bring your first impression. Do your research before you drive across the city for that meet-and-greet. Skype is a very convenient option when going through your own vetting process. Pay attention to how a person will execute their intent when connecting with you. Safety and anonymity are essential with online dating, and Skype is a great option to get to know the person better.
Also, many people use apps with location services that help meet people who are nearby. This is a hit-and-miss choice for dating and it all comes down to your time and patience.
SAFETY
Remember, safety is critical when dating online. Even if you take a chance and contact someone through a dating site, you’ll still be able to maintain a certain level of anonymity and distance while you try and decide if that scar across his cheek could really be from crashing his Bentley as he claims. Ask people for their name and Google them to see if they are that person. Always meet in a public place, and keep it simple over a cup of coffee. You will know in the first five minutes if there is initial interest or not. Never have anyone pick you up from anywhere on your first meeting.
Conversation should be light, easy and fun. Innocent flirtation is harmless; however, keep your eyes and ears open for inappropriate sexual innuendos, which would not be a credible impression.
AT THE END OF DAY
Online dating is a time-consuming effort and chances are, you could meet your match. With that comes a price tag, and you will need endless hours, patience and interpersonal skills to fish out the love of your life. If you learn how to be efficient in this process, it is possible to meet someone amazing. Trust your instinct. VM
Aviva Reimer is a relationship expert, a certified matchmaker and cofounder of Perfect Fit Millionaire Introductions (www.perfect-fit.ca).
